The curse of being an over-thinker!
I am an over-thinker. There. I have said it. And, I'm already thinking about what will happen now that everyone knows my secret! Ha ha!
For as long as I can remember, I have been an over-thinker - one of those people that agonizes over every decision, a person that second guesses themselves at almost every step, someone who reads more into everything. If you are someone like me, you will understand how difficult it is to function this way.
** Does this make me a perfectionist?
I tend to overprepare for any given task, just because I have already envisioned all the different scenarios on how I can mess up or fail. And, I am never satisfied with how I do in the end because I always think about what I could have done differently or better. (Not necessarily bad, but there needs to be a balance.)
** My experience with new experiences -- self-sabotage
Trying something new is usually hard for most people, but for over-thinkers like me, it becomes an almost impossible task to take on. For every reason that I have to give something new a shot, I can come up with two for why I should not. The possibility of not being able to do something perfectly is a big fear that looms over me all the time. Whether it is that fear, or the fact there is usually someone else who already does the same thing well ("better than me"), or the chance that I won't like what I try... I can be really creative in coming up with reasons why I shouldn't try my hand at new things!
** Hidden meaning
I am also guilty of reading more into people's actions and words than there might be to read. (This is true most of the time anyway! Sometimes, I am actually right, ha!). "Did she not reply to my text because I've done something to offend her?" "How come I was not invited to that event when everyone else was?" "That person did not wave to me in the store though they know me." I can go on and on with more examples, but then you'll probably not read my blog anymore because you think I am crazy! Social media absolutely makes this worse for me, and so does electronic communication like emails and texts since it is so easy to misinterpret the "tone" of an electronic message.
** Regret weighs heavily on my mind
Oh, and God forbid I have actually done something "wrong" or hurt someone's feelings. I will keep running it back in my head over and over again, feeling worse about it each time. Saying sorry to the person in question is just not enough. I can go back over the years and list instances like these where I was in the wrong, even if it was something I did inadvertently - because they are etched in my memory. Same holds true of all the times when I did something embarrassing or made a fool of myself. It's like I have my own "flashback" channel that loops back through my worst moments. It certainly makes for some cheerful "viewing".. NOT! Ugh!
** Magnified emotions
I feel the pain extra deeply when I get left out or have my feelings hurt because I cannot let go. It's not that my pain is greater than others', it is just that I think about it a lot more. On the positive side, I also feel others' pain as deeply because I cannot let go -- empathy on overdrive. It is my superpower. :D
This is just a sampling of how the brain of an overthinker works. I know I am not alone. And, I know that being an overthinker has actually saved me from making quite a few mistakes. But, I struggle with hitting the right balance! I want to be spontaneous, and be able to live in the moment sometimes.
I have to consciously tell myself not to get weighed down by my own thoughts and look at the big picture. I also have to remind myself not to feel sad over someone's perceived actions when it may have meant nothing. I have to force myself to give things a shot, irrespective of whether I "succeed" or not, as long as it makes me happy. (Like writing this blog for instance!)
I know I won't be able to completely stop being an overthinker - that is part of my psyche, but maybe one of these days I can learn to control it and use it to my advantage. There's no harm in hoping, right?! Or maybe there is! Hmm, let me think about it some more. <wink>
** "I don't know what to wear"
Picking an outfit for a simple trip to the mall can become an hour long ordeal - should I wear comfortable shoes because I will be walking a lot? Or should I wear something more "fashionable" since I'll be going to some nice stores? Oh wait, it looks like its going to rain at 5pm today (it's 9am now), maybe I need to wear rain boots.. hmm, but those won't go with the outfit I've picked, so I guess I need to pick another outfit.. and so it goes!!
** Indecisive and a control freak - say what?!
I am the queen of "analysis paralysis" and I am horrible at making decisions! The smaller day-to-day decisions are especially hard. My husband can attest to that because I need his opinion/validation on 100 things on any given day (well, maybe not a 100, but close to it)! But then, I also hate letting go of control over things. This may be unique to me, but gosh, it's like living in a constant state of war with myself. My poor husband has realized that his best resort is to give me his opinion, walk me through pluses and minuses in a situation, and then let me make up my own mind, however long that may take. :)
** Does this make me a perfectionist?
I tend to overprepare for any given task, just because I have already envisioned all the different scenarios on how I can mess up or fail. And, I am never satisfied with how I do in the end because I always think about what I could have done differently or better. (Not necessarily bad, but there needs to be a balance.)
** My experience with new experiences -- self-sabotage
Trying something new is usually hard for most people, but for over-thinkers like me, it becomes an almost impossible task to take on. For every reason that I have to give something new a shot, I can come up with two for why I should not. The possibility of not being able to do something perfectly is a big fear that looms over me all the time. Whether it is that fear, or the fact there is usually someone else who already does the same thing well ("better than me"), or the chance that I won't like what I try... I can be really creative in coming up with reasons why I shouldn't try my hand at new things!
** Hidden meaning
I am also guilty of reading more into people's actions and words than there might be to read. (This is true most of the time anyway! Sometimes, I am actually right, ha!). "Did she not reply to my text because I've done something to offend her?" "How come I was not invited to that event when everyone else was?" "That person did not wave to me in the store though they know me." I can go on and on with more examples, but then you'll probably not read my blog anymore because you think I am crazy! Social media absolutely makes this worse for me, and so does electronic communication like emails and texts since it is so easy to misinterpret the "tone" of an electronic message.
** Regret weighs heavily on my mind
Oh, and God forbid I have actually done something "wrong" or hurt someone's feelings. I will keep running it back in my head over and over again, feeling worse about it each time. Saying sorry to the person in question is just not enough. I can go back over the years and list instances like these where I was in the wrong, even if it was something I did inadvertently - because they are etched in my memory. Same holds true of all the times when I did something embarrassing or made a fool of myself. It's like I have my own "flashback" channel that loops back through my worst moments. It certainly makes for some cheerful "viewing".. NOT! Ugh!
** Magnified emotions
I feel the pain extra deeply when I get left out or have my feelings hurt because I cannot let go. It's not that my pain is greater than others', it is just that I think about it a lot more. On the positive side, I also feel others' pain as deeply because I cannot let go -- empathy on overdrive. It is my superpower. :D
This is just a sampling of how the brain of an overthinker works. I know I am not alone. And, I know that being an overthinker has actually saved me from making quite a few mistakes. But, I struggle with hitting the right balance! I want to be spontaneous, and be able to live in the moment sometimes.
I have to consciously tell myself not to get weighed down by my own thoughts and look at the big picture. I also have to remind myself not to feel sad over someone's perceived actions when it may have meant nothing. I have to force myself to give things a shot, irrespective of whether I "succeed" or not, as long as it makes me happy. (Like writing this blog for instance!)
I know I won't be able to completely stop being an overthinker - that is part of my psyche, but maybe one of these days I can learn to control it and use it to my advantage. There's no harm in hoping, right?! Or maybe there is! Hmm, let me think about it some more. <wink>
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